Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
