He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
