he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
