maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My feet surprised me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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