here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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