She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize