I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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