Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
