Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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