I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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