Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
