when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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