This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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