it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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