i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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