apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
