Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
