No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
