I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
