I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
