my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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