I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
