im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
