I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
