I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We need a shit load of segways right now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
