allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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