the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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