I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
