oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
