I accidentally had phone sex last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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