And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize