Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
