He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
