So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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