I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
