how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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