Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So much Jack, so little girl.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
