I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
