Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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