atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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