I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
