She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
