Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
