If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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