You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
