so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
