I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
