Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
