Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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