my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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