Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
