thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
