Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
