my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
