It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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