It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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