Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
