I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
