Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
