I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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