He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
