Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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