Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
