Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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