DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Houston, we have a blender
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize