It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
