The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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