whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
